Love

Love is a very complex topic. Every now and then people talk about their crush, or that cute guy, or that cute girl. They talk about heart breaks and pain they've been through - the stories of how they got to together and ended breaking up. I guess everyone has a different story about love.

Love can DRASTICALLY change a person (believe me, I've been through it). Physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically... whatever -ally it's applicable, it seems to have a long-lasting effect on someone. Whether be good or bad, for better or worse. It's just a matter of how you take it. This is my blog, so I'll talk about how it change me...

I can say that love changed me more for the better rather than worse. It has change how I react to certain situations and how I act in front of other people. It has made me stronger and tougher. I can say that the heartbreak I experienced was the best thing that happened to my life.

I remember before, whenever I was with the girl I liked, I'd do anything (not anything, but you get it) she asks me. If she asks for water, I'd go get her a glass of water. If she said she was hungry, I'd go join her for lunch (or whatever) or (worse) I'd treat her. Whenever she felt sad, I'd listen to her and give her advice. Whenever we see each other, we'd hug, chat, laugh, smile. But, you know, after all the happy times, there comes THE HEARTBREAK...

Now during THE HEARTBREAK, I was experiencing the so called "Five stages of grief" or the Kubler-Ross model. It was adapted from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's "On Death and Dying". If you're not familiar with it, then here it is: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. I think it was for people who were dying, but basically you can relate it to just anything about moving on on something. 

The first stage is denial. Of course, in every heartbreak, there's a part where you tell yourself, "No, this is still going to work, I'll make this work... She still loves me... It's okay, I still love her and that's what's important". This is where drama starts, the I-love-you-and-that's-the-only-thing-that-matters part.

Second is anger. Now this part is where you question your love for the person, "Why me?", "Was my love not enough?", "That heartless person!". This is the point where you get angry at the world because the person you love did not love you back. Of all the people in this whole world who has given all the love they can to a person, then that person won't give the love you gave back, WHY YOU?!

Bargaining is the "I'll do what it takes, just come back!" part. We've all been through this. When we lose a person we love, we'd bargain something to have the thing we want most back. Even songs have that, one example, "If you stay I'd subtract 20 years from my life". Basically, this is where you would do the impossible just to take back what you lost.

Next is the depression. This is, I think, the most unproductive stage of grief. This where you tell yourself, "Why bother?". This is the part where you feel like you have no reason for living. This is the part where you somehow accept the fact that the person is gone but  fail to recover from that loss. Basically, this is the part where you feel useless and worthless.

The last part is acceptance. In this stage, a person might not be completely over the situation, but he or she is ready to get back on their feet. It's the part where a person moves on and think of something to do to make them forget about what happened. This is the part where reality hits them.

Now the REALITY... my reality has taught me many things. First, I came to realize that not only was I unappreciated, I also did things that made me look like a slave to that person. So I promised myself not to take orders from other people lightly, I now question why they ask me to do those things and why not do it on their own. Also, having a special someone is very expensive! You have to pay for everything, from food to everything they ask for. Yet when you give them what they want, they don't even appreciate what you did, not even an inch.

Second (and I think the last), I realized that love is a DRAMA I can't handle. All the pressure, all the stress, all the things you need to get done... I mean there are more important things that you need to finish! You get clouded by the drama that's going on that you can't see the things that needs more priority.

I'm not saying don't love. Love is actually a pretty good stuff that you need to experience. You should give it a try at least once. But for me, I guess I won't be loving someone soon. It's too much of hassle rather than being a fuel for inspiration for me. Family still comes first :)